literally had 100 drinks last night.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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