I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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