Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
