Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
