totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
