Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
