she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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