Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
