Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
