i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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