I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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