nut hugger
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
