Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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