Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
