Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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