whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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