Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
