I need help removing her.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize