like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
