You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
