I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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