Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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