'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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