Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
