This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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