I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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