it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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