She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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