i just wanna soil my oats bro
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
wow bdsm is so cute
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
