I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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