i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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