I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
