I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
