either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
