Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
