first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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