So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
