I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
