this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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