lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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