Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
