Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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