kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
