the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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