Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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