i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
