Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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