It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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