Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
