In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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