She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
