Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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