Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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