Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
