Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
