My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
