I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize