He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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