So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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