then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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