I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
