btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
