btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
