I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
