things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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