bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
