Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
