I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
