Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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