I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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