Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
