If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
