Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
