You smell like stripper and shame
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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