no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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