He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
