Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize