she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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