I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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