He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
