apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
