Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
How external is "for external use only"?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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