One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
