So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
