I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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