just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
