You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
