Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
