TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
