fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he told me I talked like a deaf person
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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