tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
