Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
