worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
