Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
