too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
