I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what day is it and did you see me today?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm really busy with my period
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