I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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