i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
