Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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