I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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