I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
