i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The air was thick with penises
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
