If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
