He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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