You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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