I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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