I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
