I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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