He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
