I have demons in me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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